Donald J. Tump was born in 1946. The perfect time to be exposed to leaded gasoline as child. Unlike Joe Biden who was born with God-given immunity to the substance, Trump was fully exposed to the neuron-degenerating substance. Lead in the human body decreases IQ, completely evident as of late.
At his rallies, Trump has states completely unhinged things. At a rally, Trump was quoted as saying, “You need voter ID to buy a loaf of bread.” The Scallion allocated our team of investigative journalists to uncover the true meaning behind this seemingly nonsensical sentence. What they uncovered is that he’s most likely suffering from acute lead poisoning after being exposed as a child.
They started to dig more and uncovered at a recent rally, he started talking about how magnets dissolve in water and don’t work anymore. “Now all I know about magnets is this. Give me a glass of water. Let me drop it on the magnets. That’s the end of the magnets.” Why Trump said this randomly in the middle of a rally is anyone’s guess.
We contacted Poison Control specialist Dr. Bleach to have him analyze what Trump has said and any potential illnesses he might be suffering from.
“He definitely has been affected by what appears to be a lack of brain cells. Probably attributed to his childhood when leaded gasoline was very popular. Leaded gasoline was incredibly detrimental to the American public and has accounted for a total of 824 million IQ points lost. These affects combined with other potential illnesses such as Dementia give you the sort of nonsensical, slurred speech that Trump illustrates,” Dr. Bleach told us.
It seems increasingly apparent that maybe Trump isn’t fit for the White House or really anything. Maybe hospice care would be a better place for him. Either way, the 2024 election is barely underway so we’ll really have to see what shenanigans Trump has to offer.
