New Providence Middle School—Local police have arrested 16 students after school administrators uncovered a huge gum smuggling scheme after gum wrappers and the actual chewing product itself found under desks increased by an astounding 231%.
The school has recently banned the use and sale of chewing gum due to gum causing a decrease in productivity. Despite their greatest attempts to stop the issue, gum was continually found to be owned and bartered by students. After sending several to the dreaded “main office”, several of them fessed up to the crime and in exchange for only a single lunch detention, have named their dealer who shall remain anonymous due to child protection laws.
School administrators have claimed to have discovered what they call a “stash” of chewing gum in locker A147. The accused student was also interrogated and named 15 others as co-conspirators. All 16 students in total now face federal and local charges which include possession of contraband, vehicular manslaughter, and kidnapping.
When asked for comment, local police chief Daniel Henn had the following to say. “This single operation is the most exciting thing we’ve ever done. I mean, literally nothing happens here. The previous record holder was that one dude going 26 in a 25 MPH zone. These young mischief-making, shenanigan-doing delinquents might serve between 1 month and life in juvie for their crimes.” Our crack investigative journalists uncovered a great deal such as the fact that up to $87 was flowing in the middle school chewing gum market. The teens are set to appear in court this coming Wednesday. Follow The Scallion for further updates.
