1. Marjorie Taylor Greene – “Pronouns Killed My Father”
Recently, it has been revealed that Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene hates pronouns because they are responsible for the death of her father.
According to sources close to Greene, the Georgia Congresswoman’s father was tragically killed by a group of pronouns while on a hunting trip in the wilderness. The pronouns, apparently envious of the success of Greene’s father, ambushed him and viciously attacked, ultimately leading to his untimely demise.
In the aftermath of this tragic incident, Greene has made it her mission to rid the world of pronouns, citing them as a dangerous and deadly threat to society. She has reportedly been heard shouting “No more pronouns!” during heated debates on the floor of the House of Representatives.
Greene’s colleagues in Congress have been quick to condemn her radical stance on pronouns, with many calling for her to be removed from office. “This kind of hateful and irrational thinking has no place in our government,” said one representative.
Despite the backlash, Greene remains steadfast in her belief that pronouns must be eliminated in order to keep the public safe. She has even proposed a bill that would make the use of pronouns punishable by imprisonment.
2. Ted Cruz – “too confusing”
In a recent interview with Fox News, Senator Ted Cruz stated that he hates pronouns because they are “too confusing” and that he doesn’t understand the basic rules of English.
According to Cruz, the use of pronouns such as “he,” “she,” and “they” is unnecessary and only serves to complicate the English language. “I just don’t get it,” Cruz said in the interview. “Why do we need all these different words for the same thing? It’s just too hard to keep track of.”
Cruz went on to claim that the use of pronouns is a liberal conspiracy to make conservatives look foolish. “They’re trying to trick us with these fancy words and complicated grammar rules,” he said. “But I’m not falling for it.”
Many English language experts have criticized Cruz’s statements, saying that pronouns are a fundamental part of the English language and are necessary for clear and concise communication. “Without pronouns, sentences would be incredibly long and cumbersome,” said one expert. “It’s disappointing to see a senator with such a limited understanding of the language.”
Despite the criticism, Cruz remains steadfast in his belief that pronouns are a pointless and confusing addition to the English language. He has even proposed a bill that would ban the use of pronouns in official government documents.
3. Mitch McConnell – “caused me to melt”
In a recent revelation, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has admitted that he hates pronouns because they are responsible for his rapid melting.
According to sources close to McConnell, the Kentucky Senator has been quietly struggling with a rare condition that causes him to rapidly melt when exposed to pronouns. The condition, which is believed to be the result of a genetic mutation, has reportedly been causing McConnell great distress, as he is unable to go out in public without risking melting into a puddle.
In a recent interview with Fox News, McConnell opened up about his struggles with pronouns and his desire to rid the world of them. “I just can’t take it anymore,” McConnell said. “Every time I hear a pronoun, I feel myself getting weaker and weaker. It’s like they’re sucking the life out of me.”
McConnell’s colleagues in Congress have been quick to condemn his hateful rhetoric, with many calling for him to seek medical treatment for his condition. “This kind of bigotry has no place in our society,” said one representative.
Despite the backlash, McConnell remains steadfast in his belief that pronouns are a deadly threat to society. He has even proposed a bill that would make the use of pronouns punishable by death.
4. Lauren Boebert – “pro-nouns more like con-nouns”
In an interview with Fox News, Representative Lauren Boebert of Colorado revealed that she hates pronouns and believes that they should be banned.
According to Boebert, the use of pronouns such as “he,” “she,” and “they” is unnecessary and only serves to confuse people. “Pro-nouns?” Boebert said in the interview. “More like con-nouns if you ask me.”
Despite the criticism, Boebert remains steadfast in her belief that pronouns should be banned. She has even proposed a bill that would make the use of pronouns punishable by death.
