New Artillery Bayonet designed for “close quarters combat”, Massively Overbudget and Delayed by BAE Systems
Recently, the M777 howitzer, a key component of the United States military’s artillery arsenal, has been outfitted with a new…
Author: Robert J. Frost
Donald Trump’s NFT Trading Cards: The Ultimate Collectible for Devoted Fans or a Desperate Money Grab?
In a really not shocking turn of events, former President Donald Trump has announced the launch of his new line…
New Providence Selects “Worst Flag Ever” in Recent Flag Competition
In a shocking turn of events, the town of New Providence held its first ever flag competition this weekend and…
Republicans Give New Reasons to Hate Pronouns
1. Marjorie Taylor Greene – “Pronouns Killed My Father” Recently, it has been revealed that Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene hates…
Santa Upgrades Sleigh With 6th Generation Stealth Technology
In a move that has surprised many, Santa Claus has announced that his beloved sleigh has been outfitted with state-of-the-art…
School District Now Requires Mandatory Meme Workshop in order to “Relate with the youth”
The New Providence School District has announced in a recent district-wide email that all teachers, starting next year, will be…
Local Health Officials Deem Middle School Boys Bathroom “public health hazard”
New Providence Middle/High School–The local health department has issued a warning to parents and students of New Providence Middle School…
What effect does friction have in golf?
Golf is a sport where a stick hits a ball then something happens like most sports. Golf is different in…
Day in the life of a Scallion writer
One might be incredibly curious as to what we do here at the Scallion on a daily basis. In this…
OPINION: Stop serving caffeinated beverages in school
When you hop into the lunch line at New Providence Middle/High School, you’ll be greeted by pastas, burgers, and other…