New Providence Selects “Worst Flag Ever” in Recent Flag Competition
In a shocking turn of events, the town of New Providence held its first ever flag competition this weekend and…
The Clown Strike: How The World Is “Drowning” In Sadness
Sad Clown: On Strike The clowns, who are demanding better working conditions and higher pay, have refused to perform at…
Republicans Give New Reasons to Hate Pronouns
1. Marjorie Taylor Greene – “Pronouns Killed My Father” Recently, it has been revealed that Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene hates…
“Walker the Squawker”: Herschel Walker Attempts New Rap Career
Herschel Walker is a former professional football player who was born on March 3, 1962, in Augusta, Georgia. He played…
Santa Upgrades Sleigh With 6th Generation Stealth Technology
In a move that has surprised many, Santa Claus has announced that his beloved sleigh has been outfitted with state-of-the-art…
Boris Johnson Spreading Propaganda: “Absolutely No Friction in Golf”; Reasons For These Claims Unknown.
It was reported yesterday that legendary prime minister and childhood hero, Boris Johnson, was making delusionally false claims about…
School District Now Requires Mandatory Meme Workshop in order to “Relate with the youth”
The New Providence School District has announced in a recent district-wide email that all teachers, starting next year, will be…
Local Health Officials Deem Middle School Boys Bathroom “public health hazard”
New Providence Middle/High School–The local health department has issued a warning to parents and students of New Providence Middle School…
What effect does friction have in golf?
Golf is a sport where a stick hits a ball then something happens like most sports. Golf is different in…
Day in the life of a Scallion writer
One might be incredibly curious as to what we do here at the Scallion on a daily basis. In this…