Military contractors have reportedly begun recruiting the crazy weapon ideas of small children.
According to sources, the contractors have been scouring playgrounds and elementary schools across the country, searching for the most outrageous and impractical weapon concepts that young minds can conjure up.
One military official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, described the recruitment process as “pure genius.”
“We’ve always been at the forefront of innovation, but these kids have some truly wild ideas,” the official said. “I mean, one of them came up with a cannon that shoots jellybeans at supersonic speeds. Can you even imagine the chaos that would ensue if we deployed that on the battlefield?”
The official went on to describe other child-inspired weapon concepts, including a boomerang-shaped drone that delivers a powerful electric shock upon impact and a giant slingshot that launches armies of squirrels at enemy forces.
“We’re really excited to see what kind of mayhem these kids can help us create,” the official said.
The move has sparked outrage among parents and educators, who argue that it is unethical to exploit the imaginative thinking of young children for military purposes.
“These kids should be encouraged to use their creativity for peaceful and constructive purposes, not for the development of deadly weapons,” said one concerned parent.
Despite the backlash, military contractors seem undeterred and are reportedly planning to expand their recruitment efforts to include older children as well.
“We’ll take any and all ideas, no matter how absurd they may seem,” the official said. “After all, you never know which one will be the next game-changer.”
The recent success of the AGM-114R9X Hellfire missile, also known as the “ninja missile,” in killing high-value targets such as leaders of Al-Qaeda has only further fueled the military contractors’ enthusiasm for recruiting the crazy weapon ideas of small children. The R9X, which features no explosive warhead and is equipped with six sharp blades on the outside, was reportedly inspired by a kindergartener who came up with the idea of a “missile that has lots of swords on the outside.”
According to sources, the kindergartener’s concept was brought to the attention of military officials, who were immediately struck by its potential as a highly precise and low-collateral-damage weapon. The idea was quickly developed into the R9X, which has since become a key component in the military’s arsenal.
“We couldn’t believe it when we heard where the idea came from,” one military official said. “But it just goes to show that you can never underestimate the power of a child’s imagination.”
It seems that no idea is too far-fetched or impractical for these contractors, who are always on the lookout for the next game-changing weapon.
