Criminals in New Providence are up in arms over the limited number of banks in the area. In a recent interview with local thief and so-called “evildoer”, Joe Florence, he expressed his frustration with the situation.
“I can’t believe there are only like six banks in this town. How am I supposed to make a living? I mean, I have to take breaks in between robbing each one just to give the employees time to restock the cash. It’s exhausting.”
Other criminals in the town echoed Joe’s sentiments, with some even threatening to take their business elsewhere if something isn’t done about the limited banking options.
“We’ve been trying to work with the city council to get more banks built, but they just don’t seem to understand our needs,” said local burglar, Catherine Debnam. “I mean, how are we supposed to support ourselves if we can’t even rob a decent number of banks? It’s just not fair.”
Despite the complaints from the criminal community, most residents of New Providence are bewildered to hear about the limited number of banks in the area. “I don’t think we need any more banks,” said local resident, Eddie Collier. “Six is more than enough for a town this size. Or was it seven? I forgot. Plus, it’s not like the criminals are doing us any favors by robbing the six or seven banks. Or maybe it was eight? I think they closed that Bank of America though.”
Local residents are also just starting to realize the extraordinarily high concentration of banks in the town. “I didn’t even realize that Wells Fargo was there. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone go into there. Maybe it’s a money laundering operation,” Eddie told us. Many other residents have also agreed as they just now open their eyes to the weirdly high number of banks in the town.
“I mean with so many banks, it’s no wonder that evildoers and thieves have been moving here. You have no idea how much our property values have dropped because of this. I mean our town is basically asking to be robbed and plundered,” went a local resident. After this brief quote, the resident in question then went on a rant about property taxes and how his property values or something.
As of now, it looks like the criminals of New Providence will just have to make do with the six or seven or maybe even eight banks they have. Hopefully, they can find a way to work around the limited options and still make a decent living.
