Hide your children; Satanic Costa Rican Influencer Speaks His Mind
It all started at an innocent bee farm on a beautiful sunny afternoon. Finally, an opportunity to learn about the…
Category: Local News
Enraged Local Evildoers Desperate for Suitable Bank to Plunder
Criminals in New Providence are up in arms over the limited number of banks in the area. In a recent…
Vindictive Juvenile Locked Away: The Ultimate Test of Strength
The Plan Of A Lifetime: It was a typical winter break for 12-year-old Johnny Johnson: no school, no homework, and…
Water Bottle Tater: The Starchy Tycoon
The Story Behind It All It was a typical day at Westview Middle School, until 8th grader, Sarah Carp, made…
Spooky, Scary, Pumpkin Sends Terrified School To Lockdown After Halloween
“This is so dumb!” Shouted middle school student Brandon Jefferies as he spoke to a writer at The Scallion just…
Massive Inferno Haunts Town, Firefighters Claimed They Were Busy
Orange Flame at Orange Theory As of December 1st, it has been reported that local business: Orange Theory has viciously…
New Providence Selects “Worst Flag Ever” in Recent Flag Competition
In a shocking turn of events, the town of New Providence held its first ever flag competition this weekend and…
Illegal Drugs In CVS? One Missouri Woman Challenges The System In A New Lawsuit
In a shocking turn of events, a local woman has filed a lawsuit against CVS pharmacy, claiming that the abundance…
Asbestos found in town’s drinking water; Locals say it tasted off
Officials working at the water treatment plant next to Oakwood park have noticed a 76% increase in the levels of…
Government bunker discovered under local supermarket; Dates to Cold War
If you were to google the town “New Providence, New Jersey” before the year 2021, not much would appear. It…