Enraged Local Evildoers Desperate for Suitable Bank to Plunder
Criminals in New Providence are up in arms over the limited number of banks in the area. In a recent…
Military Contractors Recruiting Children for New Weapon Ideas
Military contractors have reportedly begun recruiting the crazy weapon ideas of small children. According to sources, the contractors have been…
Vindictive Juvenile Locked Away: The Ultimate Test of Strength
The Plan Of A Lifetime: It was a typical winter break for 12-year-old Johnny Johnson: no school, no homework, and…
Water Bottle Tater: The Starchy Tycoon
The Story Behind It All It was a typical day at Westview Middle School, until 8th grader, Sarah Carp, made…
New Artillery Bayonet designed for “close quarters combat”, Massively Overbudget and Delayed by BAE Systems
Recently, the M777 howitzer, a key component of the United States military’s artillery arsenal, has been outfitted with a new…
Spooky, Scary, Pumpkin Sends Terrified School To Lockdown After Halloween
“This is so dumb!” Shouted middle school student Brandon Jefferies as he spoke to a writer at The Scallion just…
Donald Trump’s NFT Trading Cards: The Ultimate Collectible for Devoted Fans or a Desperate Money Grab?
In a really not shocking turn of events, former President Donald Trump has announced the launch of his new line…
Massive Inferno Haunts Town, Firefighters Claimed They Were Busy
Orange Flame at Orange Theory As of December 1st, it has been reported that local business: Orange Theory has viciously…
New Providence Selects “Worst Flag Ever” in Recent Flag Competition
In a shocking turn of events, the town of New Providence held its first ever flag competition this weekend and…
The Clown Strike: How The World Is “Drowning” In Sadness
Sad Clown: On Strike The clowns, who are demanding better working conditions and higher pay, have refused to perform at…